Friday, February 10, 2017

Meet my new best friend, Samantha

The future was always going to be creepy. Pill food, clones, alien colonization, Katy Perry as President of the United States....

Two days ago, I stepped into this future when I turned on the text-to-speech application on my Mac. Tired of reading my new tv script aloud myself -- and also horribly lonely -- I opted for the soothing robot voice of my new best friend "Samantha." And she did not disappoint. Not only did Samantha help me edit my dialogue, but she gave me a new recurring nightmare to look forward to.




As a best friend Samantha is just so-so. She talked back with sass, which I love, but she can't braid hair for shit. As an actress, she middled-out too. Samantha impressed when it came to the upward inflections needed for questions, but paused too long after and before commas and didn't pause long enough between lines. Also, she spelled out "hmphs" and "ums", which is a rookie mistake. On the whole, though, she did not fare too badly. That "Neighhh!" was Robot-Oscar worthy.

But actors do not fear: you've got at least five years until you'll be fully replaced. Don't feel bad. Novelists have already been replaced by Kardashians, and Presidents have been replaced by human garbage cans. We're all in this future together.

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